CHAPTER ELEVEN

A Young Lady Thinks about Matters

When she awoke the next morning, Elizabeth began to think again about the same thoughts which she had fallen asleep to. It was impossible to think of anything else, and she did not feel any better. After breakfast, she went out on her favorite walk. Then she remembered that she had often met Mr Darcy there, so she walked up a street that ran next to the park instead.

She was passing one of the gates when she saw a gentleman approaching. Afraid that it was Mr Darcy, she hurried to turn away. But she was not quick enough and the gentleman stepped forward and called her name. She recognized the voice of Mr Darcy. He was holding out a letter, and said, looking deeply at her, "Will you do me the honor and read this letter?"

Then, with a slight bow, he turned away and she soon lost sight of him among the trees.

Elizabeth was very curious. She opened the letter and, walking slowly, began to read it.

"Do not be afraid, madam, by this letter. I do not write about those offers which last night caused you so much pain."

"I hope you will forgive my free action of asking for your attention, but I must speak to you about two things that you said I was guilty of. The first was that, despite the feelings of both people, I made Mr Bingley leave your sister—the second was that I had ruined the future wealth of Mr Wickham. After you read this letter about my actions and their actions and their reasons, I hope to be excused of the blame which you put on me last night.

"It was not long, in Hertfordshire, before I knew that Bingley had feelings for your elder sister. In fact, I knew that he liked her more than any other young woman there. Knowing him as I have, I must say that I had often seen him in love before. But at the dance at Netherfield, I became aware that his feelings for Miss Bennet were much greater than any I had ever seen in him before. I also watched your sister. Her look and manners were open, cheerful and pleasant. But I came to believe that she did not really care for Bingley. If you are not mistaken about the truth of your sister's love, then I am wrong and your hatred for me is correct. But other causes made me worry about Miss Bennet. The social background of your mother's family only bothered me a little. What really upset me was their total lack of manners, which her and your three younger sisters showed that night. Please excuse me. It pains me to hurt you. I hope you understand that I have nothing but high feelings toward the conduct of yourself and Miss Jane Bennet. I only wished to save my friend from what I thought to be a most unhappy marriage in the future. I lied and told him that your sister did not return his feelings. Then I took him off to London. Please let me also say there is another part of my actions which I am not happy with. I hid from Mr Bingley the fact that your sister was also in town. He does not even know about it. I now feel that this was a very low way of acting. If I have hurt your sister's feelings or caused her pain, then I did this unknowingly.

"About injuring Mr Wickham, which you brought up last night, I can only explain by telling you the history of his connection with my family. Mr Wickham is the son of a very respectable man. His father had taken care of the management of the Pemberley property for many years. My father was grateful to him, and supported Mr Wickham's son at school. He also continued to support him when he went to university at Cambridge. Mr Wickham was not able to educate his own son because of lack of money. My father greatly enjoyed the company of Mr Wickham's son, and he hoped that the son would choose the church as his job. The son's life, however, was full of lazy times and he was not responsible. But he was very careful to keep my father from knowing about his life. However, I was also a young man of the same age and it was easy for me to know. When my father died, Wickham wrote me a letter. He said that he had decided not to enter into the church. Instead, he had decided to study law. My father had left him one thousand pounds, and he said that this would not be enough to support him through law school. I wished, rather than believed, that he was telling me the truth. I knew before that he had no plans to work for the church. He left the church and asked for a total of three thousand pounds. I never answered and I thought that our relationship would end at that time. Though he lived in town, he was not studying law. Three years later he wrote to me again and asked me to give him the three thousand pounds. He said that my father had promised it to him. Maybe now you can understand why I refused to do so. But this was not the end. Last summer, he came back into my life. My sister, Georgiana, who is sixteen years old, had been at Ramsgate, which is where her teacher, a lady, teaches and educates her. Mr Wickham went there and started to visit Georgiana. After this, Georgina was certain that she was in love with him, and she agreed to a secret marriage. I went to visit her unexpectedly a day or two before they planned to marry. Georgiana could not bear the thought of hurting me, so she told me of their plan. I wrote a letter to Mr Wickham asking him about the marriage, and he left the place immediately. It was easy to tell that his main purpose was getting my sister's fortune, which is thirty thousand pounds. I also cannot help believing that he hoped to take revenge upon me by making my sister's life miserable.

"These, madam, are the true facts about everything we spoke about last night. You may possibly be wondering why I did not tell you about this last night. At the time I was very upset by your refusal and did not know what I could or ought to say. If you feel the need to check on the truth of these events, you can speak to Colonel Fitzwilliam. He was one of the lawyers of my father's will, so he has much knowledge of these happenings.

I will only add, God bless you.

DARCY

Elizabeth's feelings were very confused after she finished the letter. First, she was amazed that he believed an apology would fix anything. His reasons against the match between Bingley and Jane made her very angry. It was all pride on his part.

His story about Mr Wickham, however, made her feel surprised and afraid. "It cannot be! It must be false!" she told herself. But then she re-read the letter and had no doubt about its truth. She remembered the conversation between Wickham and herself. She remembered that he had told her that he did not fear Mr Darcy. Yet he had not attended the Netherfield dance. He had also told another lie—he said that his respect for the father would always stop him from saying bad things about the son. But how quick he was to tell her about how Darcy had wronged him! Everything now appeared very differently. This made Elizabeth feel very ashamed of herself. She realized that she had been blind, prejudiced, and foolish toward both Darcy and Wickham.

Then she thought about Jane and her behavior at the dance. She realized that Jane had not shown her feelings very strongly. Still, she knew that it was not like a lady to act so. When she remembered her mother's behavior during the supper at Netherfield, she understood Darcy's belief. She herself had been embarrassed by Mrs Bennet's behavior. When she realized that Jane's disappointment was because of her sisters and mother, she felt unhappier than she had ever been before.

At last she decided to return home. She immediately learned that the two gentlemen from Rosings had each called on her while she was away. Mr Darcy only stayed for a few minutes, but Colonel Fitzwilliam had been sitting with them for at least an hour, hoping for her return. Elizabeth pretended to be concerned that she had missed him, but she was secretly grateful. She was too upset for polite talk. She could think only of her letter.

The next morning the two gentlemen left Rosings.

(end of section)